How to Deal With Aspies' Social Awkwardness

A common trait for Aspies is that a lot of them have social skills deficit in some way, as social awkwardness is one of them.  Sometimes it could be behaving inappropriately (like laughing when you should actually feel sad in a situation).  Sometimes it could also be making inappropriate comments AND not realizing them before it's too late, or that their attempts of "saving themselves" end up making the matters worse.  Unfortunately, my social blunders come in the latter category from time to time, especially when I am using social media.  The end result is that sometimes people would just unfriend me or ban me from making comments again.  Sometimes I really wonder is- did the "punishment" really justify the crime?

Maybe I am biased here, but I truly don't believe it is a just "punishment" for the crime.  Instead, just delete the inappropriate comment and explain to me why it is inappropriate.  Also, for my case in a lot of times, I really tried to stop things from going worse.  But because I have some "faulty brakes" with my social skills, my attempts to remedy a situation can end up making things worse.  Aside from me stepping back, I believe the offended individual also need to step back and realize what I was intending to do.  After all, unless I am really angry at someone (which is extremely rare), it will be really out of character for me to do these things and my initial social blunders are unintentional in nature.

Why do I bring this up?  While a lot of people in the OT community have done their best to understand me, there are some who couldn't take a step back and think, "Bill is doing his best to try to fit in with the OT community, as it is not easy for people like him to be in OT.  He works his butt off on his social skills to be where he is in OT, too.  If he makes some slip up socially, I better ask him what his intent was first.  If it was an accident, I need to tell him why it is wrong and forgive him.  If it's intentional, I need to tell him how I feel and go from there.  After all, it's usually out of character for Bill to say something this inappropriate."

What is the "take home point", you may ask?  The "take home point" is that we the OT community has to make an effort to get to know the folks with autism that we work with, whether as clients or colleagues.  We have to know who they truly are as individuals first.  Then, you can have an idea of what can be expected socially out of them, and what are considered "out of bounds" in relation to their normal behavior.  (Of course, as you got to know more about each of them, the expectations can also change.)  Face it, just because a good bit of social things are second nature to most of the OT community, it doesn't mean it is for someone like me (or some other Aspies I manage to find in the OT profession).  Hidden curriculum, anyone?

As I said to my classmates, you can make mistakes with me because I am willing to point stuff out, as I understand that you all are trying.  But if you encounter Aspies in OT settings as clients, you can't afford to make the same mistakes because you can cause damage to the rapport you built with them.  Also, you need to be willing to meet at wherever they are at socially.  I can't speak for every Aspie, but I am doing my best to be socially appropriate.  If I come up short sometimes, please help me and give me pointers instead of being angry with me!  As great as it is for my OT peers to accept me as a friend and competent colleague, sometimes they "forget" that I have AS.  It is one thing to look past a person's disability.  It is another thing to overlook a person's disability.  How this translates to treating all clients (not just Aspies) is that we need to be mindful of potential occupational struggles and limitations in the back of our minds, so that we can have some context of what they are overcoming in their attempts to perform their occupations.  After all, if our clients are "problem free", they don't need to see us, or any other health professionals for that matter, right?

Of course, I am not writing this in an angry tone.  Rather, I am writing this as a teaching piece, as I want each of you to be a better present or future OT professionals because of it.